Wish I had someone like me

“I wish I had someone like me; I’d be alive”

This thought crosses my mind every time the clock strikes at 3am. None of us are so closely knit to each other but we all seem to take a sip from the same midnight coffee cup. You’re certainly a true blue liar if you say you never wished to have a company resembling your very own version. You’re certainly a liar if you say you never compared your version to all the variant versions you’ve crossed paths with. 

True, that work is an excuse, ask the odd hours of the AM club; how every second unravels each page of a chapter, they know it all.

It is solely this period of the entire day when I release it all, this weird calmness that puts my rage and patience to sleep and keeps me awake for just one thing. Diving into myself instead of swimming into the pool of complaints. 

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It’s strange how I own a contact list occupied with names starting with initials of every possible letter, a friend list with as many friends as it could engage, yet I wish I had a friend like me who hasn’t just mastered the art of sticking and staying throughout but also knows how to spell the unadulterated thick and thin with the utmost regard. 

How I wish I had someone like me to talk to; for at the end of the day, I find myself tutoring people the craft of listening.

I see people participating in the race of jealousy with me as the target point. Some dig potholes on my way and some send me rotten lemons when I succeed. I can silently show them what they deserve but I’m afraid of that eye that resides high above. Strangers are abused for no reason, what fools we are to not realize that they are our very own people stabbing right on the chest with a smiling face. How I wish I had someone like me; there wouldn’t be a single scar on my body.

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Knowingly or unknowingly, I’ve always been praying for blankets of happiness to wrap around faces I know, instead of longing for a blanket of warmth for myself because they say, the universe has all its ears to selflessness instead of selfishness. Then how would I not wish to share a home with someone like me?

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I glow a hundred times more when I smell loyalty. I legit become hungry when I smell honesty. The ones who never took the efforts of penning down my address in their diary, suddenly knock on my door with a bouquet of flowers; I fail to smell the aroma, for I can only smell the color. I wish I had someone who smelt like me.

It’s just the nights that get so hard otherwise I push myself into the chaos in broad daylight. I wish like screaming it loud that my condition without you was that of a moon without stars, I still haven’t figured this out that how I become a firefly fighting against your demons as well as mine instead of just resting the battle. I wish I had a beloved like me.

I wish I had someone like me; I’d have been alive rather than just surviving. 

 

Shrestha.S.Purkayastha